Batman vs the Crime Business
by Windrises
Summary: Batman tries to stop the Penguin and Black Mask who are both trying to be the biggest crime boss in Gotham.


Note: Batman is not owned and created by me.

Batman has had a lot to deal during the past month. The Penguin and Black Mask have both been trying to be the main crime boss in Gotham. Black Mask was beating the Penguin due to having enough money to hire some dangerous criminals. The Penguin was running out of choices for criminals to hire so he hired Kite Man to steal some jewels from Gotham's most successful jewelry store.

Batman saw the Bat Signal so he asked Commissioner Gordon what the latest crime was. Commissioner Gordon said "It seems like the Penguin hired Kite Man to steal the jewels."

Batman replied "The Penguin's more pathetic than I thought he was."

Kite Man said "You might as well give up and hand over all the jewels in this store. Otherwise you'll have to suffer the wrath of Kite Man!" Kite Man did a evil laugh.

The jewelry store owner replied "The guards will take care of you."

Kite Man said "Assuming that anybody can stop someone like me is a foolish thought." Kite Man did another evil laugh, but the guards started beating him up.

Batman drove to the jewelry store, but the guards had already beat up Kite Man. Batman said "It appears a certain kite lover is going to win a contest for the least successful criminal in Gotham."

Kite Man replied "I actually have another trick for you Batman."

Batman said "Are you done playing around Kite Man? I have stuff that actually matters to do."

Kite Man replied "The guards stopped me from stealing the jewels, but you won't stop me from escaping. I'll get away in my new kite." Kite Man laughed while Batman rolled his eyes. Kite Man was about to strap on his escape kite, but Batman grabbed the kite and ripped it in half. Batman had Kite Man arrested.

Black Mask heard about what happened and said "The Penguin failed harder than I thought he ever could. It's hard to believe that I used to consider that animal gimmick fool to be a business rival. I wonder who he plans on hiring next."

Meanwhile the Penguin called Calendar Man. The Penguin said "Hi Calendar Man. How's the weather?"

Calendar Man replied "I don't know. I report the days of the year, not the weather."

The Penguin said "I need you to help me in my new mission to be the biggest crime boss in Gotham."

Calendar Man replied "I have more dignified things to do than work for you. I need to go work on my new job."

The Penguin asked "What's your new job?"

Calendar Man said "Making calendars that I'll sell for hundreds of dollars."

The Penguin decided to make a risky decision by having a meeting with the Joker. The Penguin asked the Joker to meet him at his office. The Joker agreed.

The Penguin said "Thank you for coming Joker and Harley Quinn."

The Joker asked "Am I allowed to leave now?"

The Penguin said "I wouldn't invite you to my office just so you can eat my candy while you sit in my fish tank."

The Joker replied "Okay then." The Joker stopped sitting on the fish tank and sat on a chair.

The Penguin said "Now that chair has fish tank water on it."

Harley Quinn asked "Shouldn't you have penguins as pets instead of fish?"

The Joker said "I've wondered why you call yourself the penguin. You're a human."

The Penguin replied "Well the Human isn't a very intimidating villain name."

Harley Quinn asked "Do you actually think the Penguin is a scary name?"

The Penguin said "I didn't invite you to make cheap jokes about me."

The Joker replied "Then this meeting is pointless."

The Penguin said "I actually have a important mission for you. Black Mask has been beating me when it comes to being a great crime boss so I want you to steal more money than Black Mask's henchmen have stolen in the past month."

Harley Quinn asked "Your deal is to pay us to steal money?"

The Penguin said "Yes. It's a fair deal."

The Joker replied "It's a perfect plan. We'll do it." The Joker offered to shake the Penguin's hand. The Penguin nervously agreed to shake the Joker's hand.

After the meeting Harley Quinn asked "Why did you agree to the Penguin's idea?"

The Joker said "I have an idea too." The Joker did a evil laugh.

The Penguin called Black Mask so he could brag about getting the Joker to work for him. The Penguin said "Having Gotham's most dangerous criminal working for me will make me the biggest crime boss in Gotham."

Black Mask replied "I hate to admit it, but I'm impressed. I didn't think that messed up guy would agree to work for anybody."

The Penguin said "After the Joker makes a few robberies I'll have more money than you." The Penguin hanged up before Black Mask got to scream at him.

Black Mask said "The Penguin is slightly more clever than I thought he was, but I have a plan to take care of him." Black Mask called Commissioner Gordon and told him the Penguin's plan so that Batman would stop the Penguin's plan for him.

The Joker and Harley Quinn robbed a random bank. The Joker said "Soon I'll be the richest clown in Gotham."

Batman replied "Actually you're going to be the clown most in need of a hospital after I beat you up."

The Joker said "Yeah right Batman. You may act like you're a harsh and dark super hero, but you're actually a heroic pushover."

Batman replied "Well it appears I need to prove you wrong."

The Joker said "You're the master of being wrong."

Harley Quinn asked "Are you going to do something other than say corny insults at each other?"

Batman punched the Joker. Batman kicked the Joker a bunch of times. Batman thought he was going to easily win the battle, but the Joker threw Batman a few yards away. Batman recovered while the Joker did a evil laugh.

Harley Quinn asked "What should I do Joker?"

The Joker said "Keep Batman distracted while I work on a really important part of my plan."

After Batman stood up Harley Quinn started punching and kicking Batman. Batman said "Come on Harley Quinn. There's no need to be a jerk."

Harley Quinn angrily said "How dare you call me a jerk! I'm a criminal, not a jerk."

The Joker took the bank's money and drove away while Batman and Harley Quinn battled each other. The Joker said "I don't like to let Batman defeat Harley Quinn, but money is more important than friends."

Batman looked around and realized that the Joker left. Batman said "I think this prove that the Joker doesn't actually love me."

Harley Quinn replied "The Joker's crazy about me."

Batman said "No, but both of you are crazy." Batman had Harley Quinn arrested.

Batman went back to the Bat Cave. Batman said "The Penguin hired the Joker for a bunch of robberies. The main problem is trying to find out which bank the Joker will rob next."

Alfred Pennyworth asked "Do you have any guesses on which bank the Joker will try to rob next?"

Batman said "Since the Penguin wants to be the big crime boss in Gotham I think he wants the Joker to rob the biggest banks in Gotham. The Joker robbed the biggest bank in Gotham so I'm going to go to the second biggest bank in Gotham and stop him."

The Joker went to the second smallest bank in Gotham to fool Batman. Since Batman was waiting at the second biggest bank the Joker managed to rob the second smallest bank without having to fight Batman.

Commissioner Gordon had Batman come to the rooftop to report to Batman what happened. Commissioner Gordon said "It's getting really hard to figure out what the Joker will rob next."

Batman replied "The Joker could rob the third biggest bank in Gotham, but it he might rob the third smallest. I'll go to the third biggest. You should have some of your police officers wait for the Joker at the third smallest."

Commissioner Gordon said "Okay Batman."

The Joker decided to go to the fifth biggest bank in Gotham to fool Batman and the police. The Joker robbed a bunch of random places and managed to get away before Batman and the police got to stop him. The Joker drove to his new lair.

The Penguin called the Joker and said "I'm really impressed by how well you tricked Batman and the others. Your robberies will make me the biggest crime boss in Gotham. After you give me the money I'll give you a big reward."

The Joker replied "Actually you're getting the big reward of failure. I'm going to keep all the money I stole. Thank you for inspiring me to rob so many banks and other places. You helped me be richer than ever." The Joker did a evil laugh.

Black Mask called the Joker and said "The Penguin started whining to me about how you betrayed him. It was delightfully pathetic."

The Joker asked "What do you want mask dude?"

Black Mask said "If you give me all of the money that you stole I promise to bribe you out of Arkham Asylum whenever you get captured by Batman."

The Joker asked "How would that be helpful?"

Black Mask said "Well you get captured by Batman more often than any other criminal in Gotham."

The Joker angrily said "That's only because I'm Batman's arch enemy."

Black Mask asked "Will you agree to my deal?"

The Joker said "Yeah right."

Black Mask knew where the Joker's lair was so he told Commissioner Gordon where it was. A few minutes later Batman went to the Joker's lair.

Batman said "You better give up you eccentric clown."

The Joker replied "Giving up would be boring."

Batman said "I wasn't prepared well enough for you last time, but this time you'll fail."

The Joker proudly replied "I'll win this battle."

15 minutes later Batman won the battle. Batman had the Joker arrested.

Batman arrived at the Penguin's office. The Penguin asked "How did you find out where my office is?"

Batman said "Black Mask told me about it."

The Penguin asked "Do you think you're strong enough to defeat me?"

Batman said "You may be my one of my smartest enemies, but you've never been hard to beat up." The Penguin tried to sneak away. Batman grabbed him and beated him up.

The Penguin said "I thought I was the biggest crime boss in Gotham."

Batman replied "You're the biggest crime boss in birds' nests."

Black Mask was proud of his recent victories. He said "It seems like I proved to the Penguin that I'm Batman's smartest enemy and the biggest crime boss in Gotham."

Batman jumped into Black Mask's lair and asked "Are you ready to give up?"

Black Mask asked "How did you figure out where my lair is?"

Batman said "I looked up the answer on the internet."

Black Mask punched Batman across the room. He said "You better give up Batman before you face my wrath."

Batman replied "Actually you're going to face my wrath." Batman threw Black Mask across the room. Black Mask ran after Batman, but Batman punched him to the ground.

Black Mask asked "Was I the biggest crime in Gotham?"

Batman said "Whatever." Batman had Black Mask arrested.

After Black Mask was back in Arkham Asylum Batman said "Crime is more annoying than oranges."


End file.
